“I kept this because he liked it on me”

This strong, smart, mindful woman was pulling clothes out of her closet, explaining why she had kept them. Although it wasn’t the first time I had heard something like this, it was shocking to hear from my otherwise extremely spirited, sensible client.

I asked her, “You kept it because he liked it on you? Do you like it?” She took a long time to answer me. Eventually, she confessed the answer was “no”. The reason she kept it? Because someone else had liked it long ago.

That someone else was her ex-husband. Long ago was nearly a decade now. So why did she keep it? She, herself, didn’t even know. And why did she also keep the clothes that he had left behind? His own clothes? There was the long t-shirt of his that she sometimes wore around the house. There were also the dress shirts and ties still hanging in another bedroom closet, intended for her son-in-law.

I make a sincere and conscientious effort not to push people too much, but this client happened to be my friend. She needed the push. I made the suggestion that she declare her independence once and for all and get rid of everything and anything that reminded her of that former, bleaker time in her life.

This stuff was holding negative energy everywhere in her home. It was in the clothes she had stored in her own bedroom; the very room she now treasures as a sanctuary. It was in the other bedroom closet. It was in the boxes in her basement, in the garage; remnants of a relationship that ended badly, memories of a man she no longer loved, mementos of a marriage gone wrong, literally hanging around all over the place. Neatly tucked away, perhaps, but hanging around nonetheless.

I asked her why she would want that kind of negative energy lying around, crowding out all of the joy? She thought for a moment and then replied, “I never thought of it that way.”

Immediately she sprang into action. She asked her son-in-law if he really wanted her ex-husband’s clothes. He didn’t. She pulled them out of the closet and piled them on the floor. Then she dumped them, and anything else she had been holding onto, into a big contractor bag along with some of the clothes she was donating.

I was elated to watch as she scurried next down to her basement and looked for boxes of items he had left behind. She knew they were probably valuable and good money could be made off of them. Even so, she grew visibly sick at the thought that she had been unconsciously holding onto things that he didn’t really care about. So, she got rid of some of them, sold some more of them, and donated the rest. Gone!

Later, she said she hadn’t realized that the energy in her home was so thick with negativity. She noted that after she had purged, she could literally feel the difference in the air. Her home felt lighter and brighter. She, herself felt empowered. She felt affirmed. She felt stronger. What a change it made in her life.

This wasn’t the first time I had heard about a client holding onto items from a negative relationship. Even you might also be holding onto items that are messing with the juju in your home. So, here’s what you can do:

  1. If you have pictures from a former marriage, your children might want them. Go through those photos and make sure you get rid of the ones you, yourself, never want to see again. Then take the rest and pack them up for your children.
  2. Are there scattered mementos from a negative relationship? Wrap up anything that makes you happy (not guilty, not sad, and certainly not angry). Put them away until such a time that you might want to display them later down the line or go ahead and give yourself permission to donate them. Keep a limit on the amount of items you keep. Just a few.
  3. If there are valuable items that have been left behind, get rid of them. Just remember, if this stuff was left behind, you don’t need to shelter them. It’s not your job anymore! If your ex didn’t think they were important enough to tote them along to their new life, they’re just not important. Period. You can sell them, donate them or trash them. If you make money from the sale, do something fun for yourself!

Does this resonate with you? Then get a professional or a trusted friend ━ someone who is grounded and sensible ━ to help you rid your life of the negative energy lurking around in your home. Go ahead. Empower yourself!

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